my downstairs neighbor and i throw memorial and labor day parties every year. we think of them as ours, we spend a lot of money. other people live in the building, but it's primarily our party.

my roommate moved in with me because she and her bf had a huge blowout and broke up. this is a girl that was my good friend, then we had a falling out from oct til jan. i sent her an e-mail asking if she wanted to be friends in jan (thinking we'd start easing our way back into a friendship) only to find her in my house within a week.

she's been depressed and crazy and she's got weight/eating issues and just generally kind of a wreck. she has a patterned history of getting on depression meds, getting better, and then getting right back off of them, getting crazy, arguing that she doesn't want to be on meds, going crazy, and getting back on depression meds…

well, after a month and a half of listening to all of the horrible things this guys done and how he's cheated on her and doesn't care and lame sex and blah, blah, blah, self-depricating, self-loathing, low-self esteem bullshit… i notice that she's been happier. turns out she's on drugs. yay.

unfortunately, she's also back with her boyfriend. she tried to cover it up by just not saying anything about it, but i asked her directly (because she's not someone who is happy without having someone interested in her) and found out that she's been talking to him. i pretty blatantly told her that she's stupid and that by letting him back in she's saying that all of his behavior is okay - and she's teaching him that she likes being treated the way that he's treated her.

this is the same girl who got a tattoo on her wrist saying "...and the wisdom to know the difference" from the serenity prayer after they broke up… and she's telling me that she was never convinced that it was over, etc.

i can't stand this guy. can't stand him. i'm incredibly disappointed in her - especially since she stayed with me for free for a month (she's paying to stay here in june)... i know it sounds rude but i'm having a hard time reconciling being friends with someone who won't break a pattern that's clearly causing them emotional harm. in short, a friend who's an idiot.

i've tried to have empathy but i'm just so sick of her hitting her head against a brick wall and expecting it to stop being a painful process. i have nothing left. she's actually easier to deal with now that she's in this crazy codependent bliss, but it still makes me furious that she's so stupid.

anyway, the most annoying thing is that i found out that she's invited him to our memorial day party. now she's my roommate, so she's free to invite people. but she knows that i don't like him. we've never gotten along and after the way that he treated her before the break up i especially don't like him. i'm not good at hiding my emotions, so if he's dumb enough to show up (and he's dumb - so chances are good that he'll be here), i'll be irritated and rude. i'm sure that, despite any best intentions i might try to put forth, he'll feel (at the very least) unwelcome.

do i have the right to ask her to un-invite him? i feel like she should've done the AT LEAST courteous thing of asking me if it was okay to invite him. and since she didn't (she added him to an evite i'd created), i think i have every right to say something. if i don't, there's a chance that i might errupt at the party and that would be way more embarrassing than just asking her not uninvite him.

at the same time, i could totally alienate her (which at this point isn't that big a deal)...

thoughts?

Tell the bitch you don't want this douche at your party.  If you're worried about how she's going to react, just remember that she'll probably end up melting down even if the boyfriend does come.  It's really a losing situation for you either way, so you might as well not let it totally ruin your party.

And why the hell wasn't I invited?

Is she contributing financially to this party in any way?  If not..it's your party, tell her he's not welcome.

"i know it sounds rude but i'm having a hard time reconciling being friends with someone who won't break a pattern that's clearly causing them emotional harm. in short, a friend who's an idiot."

doesn't sound rude at all, I've been there…and trust me…I have learned that needy friends really don't want your honest opinion…they just need someone to offer pity… the minute you stop doing that and point to the writing on the wall…you become the bad guy…it will probably bite you in the ass eventually anyway…if the party is the catalyst… oh well.

Dude, tell her he isn;t welcome, hell…. tell her if she isn't smart enough to tell him not to show, you will *very loudly* let him know when he comes….. *shrugs* your house, your party, your final say…. especially if she doesn't have the common courtesy to at least ask first.

ditto what everyone else said.

screw the apparant rudeness. it was rude of her not to ask you if it's ok when she knows you don't like him and you've told her how you feel about them together, etc.

your party. your rules.

Fuck him and dont feed him anything….even fish heads.

I agree with everyone.

Jettison his invite and if she puts up a stink, show her the door.

Sounds like you'd be better off without her anyhow.

Must have been some party…

That's what I'm thinking…

I banned him. I just told her I'd be uncomfortable and before I had the words out of my mouth she said, "He's not coming." I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from telling her that she's a jerk for even inviting him… but in my old age I'm trying to pick my battles.

Fun party. Too much food. Apparently, I'll be losing weight in JUNE this year. BLARGH.